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This is a long winded post where I spill the beans. Ready?

If I told you that exercise caused endorphins and endorphins make you happy you'd probably knod or roll your eyes at me for the obvious-ness of my statement. Truth be told, I had nearly forgotten about the positive vibe tidal wave that came after a good sweat sesh. You see, the past few months have been strange. Not in the sense that odd things are happening, its just that my life has never looked the way its looked recently.

When I decided to put the cafe up for sale my dad and I both thought that it would take a year to find the right buyer. I assumed I'd have time to figure out what my next move was, what I'd want to create and how I'd go about creating it. Much to my surprise we had 4 interested parties in a week and a serious one who put in an offer within two. Before I knew it I had signed a contract to sell a cafe I had put my heart and soul into to build. A cafe I quit a great job for. A cafe I moved states for.

The process that was supposed to take a year was done in a handful of whirlwind weeks. The whole thing gave me whiplash it happened so fast.

There were of course opportunities to back out of the deal along the way but I am a BIG believer in divine timing: that life unfolds exactly as it should, in the time it should. No faster and no slower.

This belief is what helped me keep my cool through the process. It is what had me saying to myself and others that if I wasn't supposed to be selling right now there wouldn't be a buyer right now. Period. I truly believed that.

I still do.

But that brings us to where we are now. Since the tail of January I've had nothing and everything to do. No responsibilities and all the responsibilities. What do you do when you can do nothing and anything? This position is so strange.

And honestly I was starting to let it get to me.

What am I doing? What do I want to do? How will I make money? If I've learned anything its that starting a buisness and being an entreprenuer takes vision and patience. And hard work.

The lack of clarity I've felt the last few months was unfamiliar and I was starting to get depressed. I have always defined myself by my career and job title which might be a typical Type-A tendancy but I digress. I don't technically have either of those right now. What the HELL am I now? Who the hell am I now?

I was feeling lost and answer-less.

Then I went on a run (first one in weeks) and something began to shift. I began to feel less heavy in my heart and way less cluttered in my brain. That night I felt excited. Then I went on another run although this time I ran faster. Pushed myself harder. And then WOOSH! That tidal wave I mentioned earlier.

Possitive vibes started rolling in.

I realized that I have been going about this time in my life all wrong. All Negative. Why is the brains auto pilot mode negative? Such bullshit. I realized while in this positive bliss state that there is a lesson in the space, in the transition. A lesson in patience perhaps or in being still. Two things I am not particularly good at. Maybe there's a lesson in opening up to what the universe has for me and letting it guide me in the direction I am headed. How fortunate a position to be in. With all of that I come to gratitude and grace.

Which brings us to this bowl.

I've never before had the patience or the time to make beans from scratch. Who does really? (its 2017!). Lots of people I'm sure but this girl? This girl has NO patience. And up until recently she had no time (at least that's how I saw it). The whole soaking over night then soft boiling, then simmering for hours. No way... All that for beans?

I'll just buy a can.

But now, with this "everything to do/nothing to do" space I'm in, sure why not?

So I gave it a try. I made black beans from scratch and you know what? I freaking loved it.